This last weekend, I ran 5 miles.  It wasn't pretty.  It wasn't easy.  But it's progress nonetheless.  I've got to be honest, I'm not very happy with my current physical state.  I keep trying to tell myself to lighten up but it's hard and humbling when I'm reminded exactly how much I can't do every time I go out.

I'm a little nervous for the 1/2 marathon in April.  I have two and a half months to work my way up to 13 miles and it's going to take a while.  We won't discuss the 70.3.

I usually try to keep everything here fairly positive but I'm going to indulge in a little bitch session.  Feel free to stop reading.

I feel overwhelmed.  I feel isolated. My entire world has been turned upside down with Winston and for the most part it's good.  But it was a huge change in a short amount of time and I'm still trying to adjust.  My career and role at work is different (read: completely inconsequential due to my flexible and reduced schedule).  My relationships have all changed.  My free time is nonexistent.  My body still feels foreign.  I love my little boy more than anything but I still feel like I lost something.  I suppose this is probably all normal but no one talks about it.  All of the new moms I know are just over the moon about being a mom so I don't have anyone to talk to.  I feel like a crappy mom.  I hope it's just the sleep deprivation and hormones talking.


Kelly said...

Reading this breaks my heart - mostly because the people that are there for you, if you need it, feel isolated from you right back! Some of us don't know how to fit in your new life, yet you don't ask for help, and being that some of our ESP skills are hindered by the weather, we don't know when to jump in and when to step back. You have amazing moms that are in the same boat as you and have gone through some pretty tough sh*t, you have friends that have had the same fitness challenges, knowing that fitness doesn't define them yet getting so frustrated cause they can't complete a mile. No one will know exactly what you are going through at this time, but use your friends... lean on them, take their advice or just ask them to listen so you can vent. Just as you have always told me to ask for help, I think it's time you heed your own advice. You actually have more people to talk to then you realize, you just need to ask. I love what a very good friend once told me - "Don't live your life like a flowchart." It's time to start reaching out instead of pushing away... hope this doesn't offend. XOXO.

Shelley Flones said...

Awwww! As usual, Kelly just tells it like it is... and she's usually right ;) I am so glad you reached out and I got to spend a little time with you. I feel overwhelmed a lot too so although our situations are much different, the challenges are similar. I hated seeing you come home from work that day, having to deal with your 'phase back' schedule and the ignorance surrounding it. I am here to lean on or just to go out and grab a beer. You will find your new normal soon, I promise. Just remember that it will be a new normal, not the old normal, and that's awesome. Winston can totally rock the Tramp Camp. You have amazing people surrounding you who will welcome the opportunity to help you find that balance. You look AMAZING by the way!!!!! And you are an AMAZING mom. That kid is so freaking lucky :)