This last weekend, I ran 5 miles.  It wasn't pretty.  It wasn't easy.  But it's progress nonetheless.  I've got to be honest, I'm not very happy with my current physical state.  I keep trying to tell myself to lighten up but it's hard and humbling when I'm reminded exactly how much I can't do every time I go out.

I'm a little nervous for the 1/2 marathon in April.  I have two and a half months to work my way up to 13 miles and it's going to take a while.  We won't discuss the 70.3.

I usually try to keep everything here fairly positive but I'm going to indulge in a little bitch session.  Feel free to stop reading.

I feel overwhelmed.  I feel isolated. My entire world has been turned upside down with Winston and for the most part it's good.  But it was a huge change in a short amount of time and I'm still trying to adjust.  My career and role at work is different (read: completely inconsequential due to my flexible and reduced schedule).  My relationships have all changed.  My free time is nonexistent.  My body still feels foreign.  I love my little boy more than anything but I still feel like I lost something.  I suppose this is probably all normal but no one talks about it.  All of the new moms I know are just over the moon about being a mom so I don't have anyone to talk to.  I feel like a crappy mom.  I hope it's just the sleep deprivation and hormones talking.



It wasn't all that long ago that running 4 miles was my long run.  Back then, I was a size 12 (but ironically only weighed 150lb) and if I ran too much, I had nagging knee problems.  I didn't bike or swim, just the occasional run and lifting. I was told my bad knee was the result of poor genetics - my grandmother has had both her knees replaced and my mom had her first knee surgery at 30.

I started doing triathlons, lost a few pounds, dropped down to a size 6, and magically, my knee problems vanished.  Biking (along with weight/body composition) is the key to keep my knees happy and healthy.  I'm sure my improved diet also helps.  The point is, genetics had less to do with my bad knee than my excess weight.

Then I had a baby.

I stopped riding and spinning maybe 5 months in.  I put on weight.  I stopped running at 32 weeks.  I put on more weight.  I had a baby and ceased all physical activity for 6 weeks.  To be fair, of the 35 lb I gained, I had lost close to 30 lb of that within 2 weeks of giving birth but my body composition is nothing close to what it used to be.

Even so, when I started running again, I was surprised that my knee hurt.  Kept hurting.  I capped all my runs at 3 miles and I've started spinning in the garage, doing yoga at home and lifting weights.  But it hadn't gotten much better.  The cold temps don't help but I really thought after a week or two of spinning that it would go away.  I guess I need to start spinning more often.  Hopefully the knee will be back to normal soon.  One of these days, I need to start training for my upcoming races.  Even if not for speed, I'd like to be able to cover the distances and NOT feel like I was run over by a bus.


Goals and a reality check

2013 has arrived with little fanfare around here.  With a 7 week old in the house, there was no reason to stay up until midnight since I knew I'd be up shortly after to feed the baby anyway.

This probably sounds stupid, but I'm realizing how much more complicated having a little one makes life.  Even if Dad is watching him for the day, I have to feed him and pump another bottle before I leave.  Or like yesterday, I worked a few hours then went to the gym and had to pump in the locker room before working out.  There is a distinct possibility that I will have to pump in T2 for the Kansas 70.3 before starting the run.  Won't that be interesting.

Besides that, scheduling things in general is tough.  John and I both need some "me" time for our general well-being and sanity and we also need some couple time, too.  Right now both are hard to come by.

Then there is the fact that it's hard to put in a good workout, or any workout, after a rough night.  Last night I was up 3 times and never got more than 2.5 hours of sleep at a time.  And Winston had a rough day today.  So I didn't work out, I didn't eat lunch until 4:30 pm and my biggest accomplishment was not feeding the baby to hungry crocodiles.  Trust me, I thought about it.

I guess the whole point is that I probably need to dial my expectations back.  Maybe fitting back into all of my pre-pregnancy pants by June will have to be enough.